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Rickets by ~VampiricBunny:iconVampiricBunny:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open



Circumventing
the                                        little stares
that cement the                    little veins
of my heart
to    



concrete.








soft and sadistic.
©2009 ~VampiricBunny
:iconvampiricbunny:

Author's Comments

Sometimes you leave me feeling boneless.


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Comments


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:iconkristow:
~Kristow Jun 11, 2009, 1:34:00 AM
Wow, nice poem. I love the layout - not difficult to read at all, surprisingly =P - and the way you have accented 'stares' and 'veins' for that powerful touch.

I also love the meaning behind the piece. The use of the word 'circumvent' is particularly interesting. The delicate text and the way it floats down the page makes me imagine a young girl, her eyes falling to the ground whenever he walks past.

--
[link]

Please take a look at my literature.
Critique is encouraged...

Friend Code: 1719-9344-4458 on Platinum.

Avatar made by *Veemonsito :heart:
:iconvampiricbunny:
~VampiricBunny Jun 11, 2009, 1:39:26 AM
wow.. that is exactly how I feel.. everytime He walks by.. thank you so much for your comment. :heart:
You have understood exactly.. I am so pleased someone is able to..

--

Blame the cruel Art of Pretension .

:bulletblack: 私を殺した私心 I love you Jennifuck.
:iconkristow:
~Kristow Jun 11, 2009, 1:41:40 AM
Heh, you are very welcome. :)

People sometimes have to understand, it is not only the words of a poem that one can draw meaning from, but also the layout... The way the text looks and the way it reads.

I'm glad I was able to have an insight where others weren't... I'm honoured. :aww:

--
[link]

Please take a look at my literature.
Critique is encouraged...

Friend Code: 1719-9344-4458 on Platinum.

Avatar made by *Veemonsito :heart:
:iconvampiricbunny:
~VampiricBunny Jun 11, 2009, 2:07:56 AM
I think you were the first to read it also.. thank you, this is my first play with structure.. thank you very much.

--

Blame the cruel Art of Pretension .

:bulletblack: 私を殺した私心 I love you Jennifuck.
:iconkristow:
~Kristow Jun 11, 2009, 2:12:40 AM
Heh, well I'll recommend it to some friends. I think it definitely deserves some more views. ;)

--
[link]

Please take a look at my literature.
Critique is encouraged...

Friend Code: 1719-9344-4458 on Platinum.

Avatar made by *Veemonsito :heart:
:iconvampiricbunny:
~VampiricBunny Jun 11, 2009, 2:26:09 AM
Oh, wow.. thank you :blushes:

--

Blame the cruel Art of Pretension .

:bulletblack: 私を殺した私心 I love you Jennifuck.
:icondestinyxxxdancer:
~DestinyxXxDancer Jun 11, 2009, 2:43:56 AM
Wow, that's amazing. So sad, I just wanna hug you... so I shall! :hug:

The language is great, subtle, but so powerful, and as Kristow said, the layout is genius, something I could never have thought up.

:heart:
:iconkristow:
~Kristow Jun 11, 2009, 2:52:47 AM
You're very welcome. :)

--
[link]

Please take a look at my literature.
Critique is encouraged...

Friend Code: 1719-9344-4458 on Platinum.

Avatar made by *Veemonsito :heart:
:iconnosferatu-87kard:
~Nosferatu-87kard Jun 11, 2009, 8:05:14 AM
Really, really, Bunniku, you´re brilliant with words.
♥

--
If our ifs and buts were all candy and nuts, we\'d all have a verrrry merrry Christmas.
Go check out Bunniku's stuff.
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